Amused Musings

Here's wishing everyone a Great Happy New Year, filled with puns and funs to make you laugh. One of my new year resolutions is to post regularly. (Already four days late.LOL)



A woman went to her doctor for advice... She told the physician that
her husband had developed a penchant for an*l sex and she wasn't sure
if it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She
said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The
Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you
shouldn't practice an*l sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked,
"You can get pregnant from an*l sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of
course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Wife: "There's a nice-looking lady at the window table." Husband:
"She's a hooker." "How can you be so sure?" "C'mon! Look at her hair,
all that make-up, that short skirt, the plunging neckline, and those
high heels." "But you like it when I dress like that. Do you think I
look like a hooker?" "There's no way I can get out of this
conversation alive, is there?"

The shapely woman was in the gynaecological stirrups, and her doctor
was in the middle of his examination when he suddenly stopped and
said brusquely, "Look,madam, I'm a happily married man ... so would
you please stop squeezing my hand?"

"Years ago, I worked for a short while in a church office." "Really?
How was it?" "The job was fine; the pastor was a jerk. He criticized
my work, my clothes, just everything about me. I quit after only
three months." "Wow! What an experience!" "Yeah, but to show I didn't
have any hard feelings about the whole thing, I sent the preacher a
gift subscription to a magazine." "You did?" "Yep, I sent him a year
of HUSTLER, in care of the church office."

When I was a kid a "crack salesman" just meant a guy was really good
at what he did.

"My mother," said the young woman to her date, "says there are some
things a girl should not do before twenty." "Your mother is right,"
said her boyfriend. "I don't like a large audience either."

The college basket ball player was so excited when he heard he might
be chosen to play in the NBA that he went straight out and wrecked
his car. Of course he wasn't chosen. He had what is known as a pre-
mature jock elation.

When a man and a woman marry, they get a marriage license, what do
l*sbians need?
A licker license.

"Will I be the first to do this to you ?" whispered the man after his
bride-to-be finally consented to s*x. "What a silly question..."
giggled the girl, "I don't even know what position you want to use yet."

Q: What's the definition of a teenager?
A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

My very first day on the job, the boss asked me to make a fresh pot
of coffee. Of course, I walked right out the door. He and those other
s*xist pigs at Starbucks can kiss my ass!

Word is in from the Middle East about the sultan who left a call for
seven in the morning.


There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch,
She could only be screwed by Houdini.

She was only a Waitress’s daughter but she sure could dish it out.

City Planners do it with their eyes shut.

Till next time,keep on LOLling.