Pun-itive jokes

Tattoo:

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that
she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her
bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the
turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The
woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas"
up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking
good too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist
says "if you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such
unusual tattoos on your thighs? " She says "I'm sick and tired of my
husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas. "
-----------

Funny Puns:

-An innkeeper's daughter during the Middle Ages made love for fifteen straight knights.

-Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

-Johnny asked one of the kids at school, "If you woke up covered in KY Jelly n*ked in a sleeping bag in the middle of the forest, and your a*s was killing you, would you tell anybody?"

"No, I'd be embarrassed."

So, Johnny asked "Wanna go camping?"
--------------
What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing, they haven't met!
--------------
A Monica Lewinski cigar is now available in fine tobacco shops. While many premium cigars are soaked in brandy or cognac, Monica's are soaked in cider.
--------------
What is the similarity between a rattlesnake and a limp p*nis?
You don't screw with either one
--------------
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More headroom
--------------
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
---------------
Confucius say man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
---------------
Engineers do it with precision.
---------------